Welcome to The Guilty Mama

Welcome to The Guilty Mama

I guess I should introduce myself. I’m Coco.

I’m mom to a rambunctious boy, EJ, wife to a handsome goofball, A, and daughter to a saint of a mother and live-in cook/nanny, “Baba” (it’s Ukrainian for Grandma). That’s us, minus my mom, in Alberta in 2016.

I have been writing posts for this blog since I was pregnant with EJ, who is now 19 months old and I don’t know where the time disappeared to.

When I was on mat leave, despite living in a growing community (north of Toronto), I felt so isolated. I joined mommy groups and went to reading circles, but most of the new moms in my town had friends or colleagues close by or had already made connections with women in the groups. I was exceptionally shy, so only made friends with a handful, none of whom I managed to stay in touch with. Everyone else seemed to have it all together, while I was barely able to make it out of the house before 10 or 11 a.m. I know that’s pretty common for a lot of moms now, but holy hell, did I feel like a failure!

I manage to get some of my shit together when I was off, but I really enjoyed the lax days and seeing where the day took us! Some days were more productive than others, but in between diaper changes, breast feeding and play time, I usually managed to get a few words down here and there.

Long before baby, I went to journalism school, then got into corporate communications and public relations. I still work full-time in corporate communications.

When I went back to work just over six months ago, I missed writing for myself. A lot. I  felt work drain my creativity because I was trying to apply all of it to my professional work. I was holding in a lot of anger and resentment, which sometimes blew up in my hubby’s face (sorry babe!) and I needed an outlet to share the guilt, confusion, and frustration that I was feeling (and still do) for working full time, exercising a few days per week, and wanting time to shower in peace, because it means less time interacting with my little man.

This blog is a mish-mash of my feelings, experiences, and journey, as I navigate my way through mom-guilt, marriage, and finding the best version of myself.

I hope you’ll come along for the ride and share your stories with me in solidarity, for comic relief, or for support.